Angry Ghost Husbands Are Why Famke Janssen Can't Have Nice Things

I just looked this movie up and it's actually called 100 Feet, which makes sense, but I like my title (up there in the subject line!) a lot better. The basic premise of this movie is that Famke Janssen had a husband who was a cop. He used to beat her, so she tried to divorce him, and he came at her with a knife, she got it away from him and killed him. She explains all this in a monologue to some Italian kid who I think lives down the street, within the first ten or fifteen minutes of the movie.

So she kills him, and then she goes to prison for two years, because it's just self-defense. Then when she gets out, they put her on a tether and send her back to the house she murdered her abusive cop husband in, and tell her she's under house arrest for something like another two years.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm not even kidding. That's the premise for this movie. Of course you find out that her dead husband's ghost and it wants to kill her and actually ***SPOILER ALERT*** kills Italian Kid From Down The Street, because she's totally doing him. It ruined this really nice moment, such a nice moment in fact that I thought the movie was actually over. But then of course the ghost husband shows up and busts out Italian Kid From Down The Street's jaw, and then the second naked guy from The Ten shows up (except he's not naked this time, he's a cop, and you're supposed to take him seriously) and I'm not sure what happens after that because Kirsten came over to watch Daria and I WAS SCARED, OKAY?

Anyway, the point of this entry is to tell you guys about this WHOLLY RETARDED tendency I have to watch horror movies on cable when I'm home by myself. I'll catch one when I'm flipping channels, be intrigued by what I see, and keep flipping back to it when America's Next Top Model is on a commercial break. Since they always look stupid when I come in, I'll just think "well this is funny!" and tell myself I'll just flip the channel if I get too scared. But of course I never do, which results in me watching things like House Of Wax and Jeepers Creepers and being terrified to sleep for the next few days.

This also happened with Wolverine, to be fair, with the only difference being that Zack and I watched it On Demand.

BUT IN MY DEFENSE, DEADPOOL WAS SCARY.



"SUP, KEL. SO HEY, I KNOW I'M RYAN REYNOLDS AND YOU TOTALLY THINK I'M SEXY, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HILARIOUS, BUT TONIGHT I'LL BE POPPING UP IN YOUR DREAMS NOT TO TAKE YOU OUT FOR A FANCY DINNER BUT TO TEAR YOUR STUPID FACE OFF."

Anyway. I hope this post was worth the wait.