The best beginnings are silly ones.

This post is not about my childhood. I apologize for the misleading title, because I fully realize now that some people may have seen it and gotten all excited. Don't worry. That's coming later. I just have to compile all the research.

No, this post is instead about SONGS, not lives, with hilarious beginnings.

I'm sort of a music nerd. I don't mean that like I'm a music major, or I study it intensely and know all the ins and outs and technical stuff; I don't even play any instruments, except for drums from time to time, when Zack is playing guitar and needs a backbeat. And I'm not even good at that.

I'm a music nerd more in the sense that I love music and honestly don't think i could live without it. At least, not a functioning life, or a life that anyone would want to live. How would I get out my wiggles if I wasn't able to dance to Ben Folds? How would I get over my depression and anger, unless Max Bemis were there to guide me? And how would I come up with ridiculous analogies and euphemisms if there were no more Fall Out Boy?

These are questions I don't want to ever have answered.

Over the last couple years, I've compiled a short list of songs with very, very silly beginnings that never fail to make me giggle, no matter what kind of mood I'm in. I have many more lists, because I make lists when I can't think of anything else to write, but I figured this is a good one to start with.

Silly Songs With Kelli: Hi-Larry-Ous First Lines/Stanzas/What-Have-You

"Shit! Nothing makes sense!"
"The Futile", Say Anything

"If there's a God, he's laughing at us and our football team."
"Effington", Ben Folds

"I'm really sorry, Steven, but your bicycle's been stolen."
"Apology Song", The Decemberists

"WHOOOOOO you callin' 'bitch'?"
"Who You Callin' Bitch?", Rivers Cuomo (I'm not even kidding, the song is actually called that.)

"Well, I thought about the Army; Dad said 'Son, you're fuckin' high.'"
"Army", Ben Folds

"Did you know that there are people in the world annoyed at all the other people in the world?"
"Hate Everyone", Say Anything

"I have to record the spoken-word introduction to the record. It's only a few little lines, but I'm having anxiety about it."
"Do you know what it is?"
"Yeah, it goes, uh--"
"Oh, good. I was gonna say, yeah, if you know what it is, then go ahead."
"It goes, uh, 'And the record begins with a song of rebellion.'"
". . . That's it?"
"AND THE RECORD BEGINS WITH A SONG OF REBELLION!" *album starts*
"Belt", Say Anything

"I'm going crazy trying to keep you sane. You're taking my prescriptions and forging my name. I was happy this morning; you finally got yourself dressed! Eating raw bacon. . . It's okay, I was still impressed."
"Even If You Don't", Two Tongues

and, my personal favorite,

"The answer you seek, my son, only poses more questions.
Ask many woman why relationship has failed. Each woman offer unique reason for demise.
One woman might say 'man could not commit', or 'man is douche, and is now free to make love to himself instead.'
Another woman might say 'man have changed' or even 'man no longer satisfactory lover.'
But my son, ask many men same question all over the world, why has relationship failed; each man, each time, will give same, simple answer.

The bitch went nuts."

"Bitch Went Nuts", Ben Folds