More silly d&d drawings. . .

. . . to make up for my horrible stalling in writing a new entry with *fancy artwork*. Or any new entry at all, really. I'm sorry, folks. I get internet back tomorrow night, so you should be getting like, FIVE new entries of varying caliber before Wednesday.

These are all from our campaign last summer, but they're silly enough to warrant posting.

Those are the celestial things Kelsey and I, as a cleric and a wizard, were allowed to summon. Yes, the porpoise has wings. Why? Because it's celestial. And that means it can fly. They also inhibit its movement underwater like you wouldn't believe, and I bet anytime a shark gets close it wishes it was dead, but right now, that porpoise doesn't even care, because it has wings and it can freaking FLY.

That in the corner is Tragg, our party's minotaur, played by Zack, thus the sideburns and silly hipster glasses.

This is an angry octopus.


And this is what that angry octopus would look like if it were a silly Snidely-Whiplash-type villain who could make bear sounds.


Shit, I don't know. Don't ask me.

These are newlywed crabs on holiday in Spain! They are quite fancy, as you can plainly see.


I was drawing a lot of crabs around that time, because we had just watched The Matador, in which Pierce Brosnan was just this god-awful sleazebag who wore ankle boots and a gold chain and a lot of open-collared shirts, and had a terrible moustache. Of course I picked up some paper and draw what you would get if you slept with Pierce Brosnan, which are sleazy douchebag crabs wearing ankle boots.

And this is A GODDAMNED OWLBEAR.


It's not an owl, nor is it a bear. What it is, is a terrifying nightmare-machine that will eat your face off. And that's not a lazy drawing; that is, in fact, a chillingly realistic portrayal of this awful creature. Just imagine that thing hurtling toward you in three horrible dimensions, screeching its ghostly face-eating wail.

And now, what you've all been waiting for: probably one of the more offensive things I've ever drawn.


That's supposed to be Whitney Houston, but it looks more like Diana Ross. And that is offensive to me.

Yes, there is someone stuck in her MASSIVE hair. It's his own damn fault, really. You get too close to crackheads, you get stuck in their hair. Everybody knows that, and when you think about it, it's really a metaphor.

But then again, aren't we all?