Thursday, November 10, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
A Nice Little Halloween Story.
On Halloween a couple of years ago, I went out trick-or-treating with some friends in my friend Heather's neighborhood. I was eighteen at the time, and I was not ashamed. Everyone in our group had fantastic costumes. Don't judge me.
For reasons that I'm sure made sense at the time, this is how I (and the other three people in our group) dressed up:
And yes, that was how my hair was cut at the time. Things were different then.
The people in Heather's neighborhood were used to older kids trick-or-treating, and consequently got really into their decorating and costumes. There were skeletons and weird scarecrows on almost every porch, and lights strung from every tree. I was fine with all those houses, even the ones where people jumped out of fake coffins on their lawn.
The only house I had a problem with the last house on our route. It wasn't lit up or decorated in the front at all; the back was a different story.
All the houses in that subdivision had detached garages that were in the backyard. The garage of this particular house was open, and had flashing strobe lights. The Halloween theme was playing from a hidden stereo. There was (fake, but it was Halloween and I was scared) blood splattered all over the walls of the mostly empty garage.
In front of the garage stood (a guy dressed as, but again, it was Halloween and I was scared) Michael Myers. He was looking straight at us.
Next to him was a small table with a bowl of candy on it.
Everyone else in our group laughed and thought this was really fun and hilarious, and ran up the driveway to grab some candy. When RJ, the only guy with us, noticed I was still standing out at the sidewalk, my eyes bugging out, he came back and asked me what was wrong.
I just shook my head and squeaked.
"There's candy back there, come on!"
"NONONO.I'MNOTGOINGBACKTHERE." I'd never seen Halloween, but I was pretty sure that anyone walking up to Michael Myers expecting to get candy out of it was akin to ripping one's shirt open, pointing out their heart and shouting "PLEASE STAB ME."
Also, did I mention it was Halloween? Isn't that like, the guy's one workday out of the year?
RJ sighed. "Kelli, I feel like I shouldn't have to tell you this, but that's not actually Michael Myers. That's just a guy dressed up as Michael Myers."
I shook my head again, more forcefully this time."DOESN'TMATTER."
RJ rolled his eyes and made a face, and said, "Okay, fine. Stay here." He jogged into the backyard, right up to the guy. He didn't even take any candy. At this point our other friends were on their way back, chatting enthusiastically about the experience.
I watched RJ as he talked to Michael Myers, who appeared to either be listening very closely or about to kill him. Then, to my horror, RJ pointed out to the front yard, directly at me.
I started flapping my arms and shaking my head frantically and mouthing "NO NO NO NO", which was probably a bad idea. In any case it did no good, because RJ started heading back towards me, and Michael Myers was following him.
"Why did you do that?" I hissed at RJ.
"To get you candy!" he answered, grinning. It was such a punchable grin.
"I DIDN'T WANT CANDY RJ I WAS PERFECTLY FINE"
I squeaked and shut up. Michael Myers's agonizingly slow steps had finally come to a stop merely a foot in front of me. I stared up at him, my mouth clamped shut in abject horror, thinking two things:
1) If I escaped from this somehow unharmed, I was never going trick-or-treating again, and
2) If I was going to die, I was at the very least taking RJ with me.
The rest of my group stood in a cluster a few feet away, giggling.
Michael Myers then very slowly leaned down, his face just inches from mine. Moments passed. Minutes, even. Possibly hours.
Then he held out the candy bowl.
Now slightly confused in addition to terrified, I reached up and very carefully plucked two pieces from the bowl. "Th-thank you," I squeaked.
"Happy Halloween," Michael Myers said, his voice muffled by the mask.
Then I turned on my heel and sprinted all the way back to Heather's house, not caring one bit if anyone made fun of me the next day.
For reasons that I'm sure made sense at the time, this is how I (and the other three people in our group) dressed up:
And yes, that was how my hair was cut at the time. Things were different then.
The people in Heather's neighborhood were used to older kids trick-or-treating, and consequently got really into their decorating and costumes. There were skeletons and weird scarecrows on almost every porch, and lights strung from every tree. I was fine with all those houses, even the ones where people jumped out of fake coffins on their lawn.
The only house I had a problem with the last house on our route. It wasn't lit up or decorated in the front at all; the back was a different story.
All the houses in that subdivision had detached garages that were in the backyard. The garage of this particular house was open, and had flashing strobe lights. The Halloween theme was playing from a hidden stereo. There was (fake, but it was Halloween and I was scared) blood splattered all over the walls of the mostly empty garage.
In front of the garage stood (a guy dressed as, but again, it was Halloween and I was scared) Michael Myers. He was looking straight at us.
Next to him was a small table with a bowl of candy on it.
Everyone else in our group laughed and thought this was really fun and hilarious, and ran up the driveway to grab some candy. When RJ, the only guy with us, noticed I was still standing out at the sidewalk, my eyes bugging out, he came back and asked me what was wrong.
I just shook my head and squeaked.
"There's candy back there, come on!"
"NONONO.I'MNOTGOINGBACKTHERE." I'd never seen Halloween, but I was pretty sure that anyone walking up to Michael Myers expecting to get candy out of it was akin to ripping one's shirt open, pointing out their heart and shouting "PLEASE STAB ME."
Also, did I mention it was Halloween? Isn't that like, the guy's one workday out of the year?
RJ sighed. "Kelli, I feel like I shouldn't have to tell you this, but that's not actually Michael Myers. That's just a guy dressed up as Michael Myers."
I shook my head again, more forcefully this time."DOESN'TMATTER."
RJ rolled his eyes and made a face, and said, "Okay, fine. Stay here." He jogged into the backyard, right up to the guy. He didn't even take any candy. At this point our other friends were on their way back, chatting enthusiastically about the experience.
I watched RJ as he talked to Michael Myers, who appeared to either be listening very closely or about to kill him. Then, to my horror, RJ pointed out to the front yard, directly at me.
I started flapping my arms and shaking my head frantically and mouthing "NO NO NO NO", which was probably a bad idea. In any case it did no good, because RJ started heading back towards me, and Michael Myers was following him.
"Why did you do that?" I hissed at RJ.
"To get you candy!" he answered, grinning. It was such a punchable grin.
"I DIDN'T WANT CANDY RJ I WAS PERFECTLY FINE"
I squeaked and shut up. Michael Myers's agonizingly slow steps had finally come to a stop merely a foot in front of me. I stared up at him, my mouth clamped shut in abject horror, thinking two things:
1) If I escaped from this somehow unharmed, I was never going trick-or-treating again, and
2) If I was going to die, I was at the very least taking RJ with me.
The rest of my group stood in a cluster a few feet away, giggling.
Michael Myers then very slowly leaned down, his face just inches from mine. Moments passed. Minutes, even. Possibly hours.
Then he held out the candy bowl.
Now slightly confused in addition to terrified, I reached up and very carefully plucked two pieces from the bowl. "Th-thank you," I squeaked.
"Happy Halloween," Michael Myers said, his voice muffled by the mask.
Then I turned on my heel and sprinted all the way back to Heather's house, not caring one bit if anyone made fun of me the next day.
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